~ Reflections ~ 23rd June 2011

~ Reflections ~ 22nd June 2011

Song of the Day

~ Reflections ~ 21st June 2011

Song of the Day

~ Reflections ~ 20th June 2011

Song of the Day

~ Reflections ~ 19th June 2011

A father carries pictures where his money used to be - Author Unknown

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again - Enid Bagnold

I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection. - Sigmund Freud

Any man can be a Father but it takes someone special to be a dad. -Anne Geddes

Song of the Day - My Little Girl - Tim McGraw

~ Reflections ~ 18th June 2011

Song of the Day

~ Reflections ~ 17th June 2011

Song of the Day

~ Reflections ~ 16th June 2011

Song of the Day

~ Reflections ~ 15th June 2011

Song of the Day

~ Reflections ~ 14th June 2011

Hidden Pain

I'm sorry for the pain I've caused
I'm sorry for what I've done
Yes I admit it was my fault
and yes I found it fun.
I'm sorry for the hurt your felt
I'm sorry I made you cry
I understand totally
If you want me to say goodbye.
I don't know if it means much
But I want to tell a tale
About a girl who's short life
Was destined just to fail
She was happy til the age of six
She was emotionally killed
All the hopes and dreams she had
Just faded unfulfilled.
Although no one knew
and no one understood
She continued with her struggle
Trying to pretend that life was good.
She was led to believe
That what he did was right
So she went back for more
Let it happen without a fight.
She would just lay there
Do everything he said
He controlled her body
and he controlled her head.
He raped her mind and body
Stole all the strength she knew
I hope you're still listening
Does she sound familiar to you?
You probably do not know her
Cause no one ever did
Cause behind this happy girl
Was a lonely one that hid.
And the lonely girl was never seen
She only came out at night
When everyone was in their bed
Tucked up sleeping tight
It was then this lonely girl would emerge
to a room so still and dark
the happy girl with wet red eyes
was the lonely girls only mark.
The only way she did emerge
Was through the happy ones tears
Although they shared the same sad heart
Same shattered dreams and fears.
And then when morning came,
No loneliness was found
But deep inside this little girl
Her heart was in the ground.
She'd be up and smile all day
Pretending life was great
While breeding deep inside her
was anger, pain and hate.
For several years this was her life
the only thing she knew
that pain and hate and anger
continuously grew.
At last it reached a certain point
there was no more that she could take
inside her mind exploded
outside she had to break.
so she told them of her story
she told people of her pain
she couldn't tell her perfect family
she couldn't hurt them again.
so she told a complete stranger
but this hurt her family more
December 10th 1996
The first day of the war.
A war that she is destined to lose
she doesn't have a hope
they all have each other
but alone she has to cope.
but still she battles on
even though her fate is clear
she will live a life of pain
resentment, hurt and fear.
It's been almost four years
since the beginning of the war
i don't know how she does it
but the happy one still stands tall
the lonely one still lvies on
te happy side is growing pale
she tries to declare peace
although to no avail.
So now you know the story
would you push this girl away?
Would you leave her unfulfilled?
Leave her to die each day?
If you want to leave her,
I will understand
If you want to help her,
please just take my hand.
If you want to turn your back
I understand that too
But tell me honestly what you'd want
if that lonely girl was you.
- Kirsten.

Song of the Day - Take You Away - Angus and Julia Stone

~ Reflections ~ 13th June 2011

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
for I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that I'm afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well
as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command
and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only hope,
and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this.
I don't dare to, I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,
will not be followed by love.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,
with a facade of assurance without
and a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings--
very small wings,
very feeble wings,
but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator--
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach to me
the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.

Charles C. Finn

Song of the Day - Sweet Streams - Kirtana

~ Reflections ~ 12th June 2011

Child-Play

Father Mother God,
every now and then you call me
to drop my burdens at the side of the road
and play games with you.
I respond sluggishly.
Carrying burdens can make me feel important
and sometimes I'm afraid to drop them
in case I suddenly become invisible.
But when I do let go for a while,
how simple life seems -
and how beautiful!

God of play and playfulness,
thank you for castles in the sand,
for swings and slides and soap bubbles,
kaleidoscopes, rainbows,
and wind to fly kites.
Thank you for child-vision
of flowers and stones and water drops,
for child-listening to the universe
humming inside a seashell.
Thank you for showing me once again,
a creation filled with laughter
and the enjoyment of your presence.
And thank you, thank you,
dear Mother Father God,
for the knowledge
and your enjoyment of me.

- Joy Cowley - Aotearoa Psalms.

Song of the Day -There Is A Place - Beth and Cinde

~ Reflections ~ 11th June 2011

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly but not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born". - Anais Nin

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival."
- C.S. Lewis

"The best mirror is an old friend."
- George Herbert

Song of the Day - Feel Good - Madasun

~ Reflections ~ 10th June 2011

Up Where We Belong

Who knows what tomorrow brings
In a world, few hearts survive
All I know, is the way I feel
When it's real, I keep my pray alive

The road is long
There are mountains in our way
But we climb steps every day

Love lift us up where we belong
Where the eagles cry, on a mountain high
Love lift us up where we belong
Far from the world we know
Up where the clear winds blow

Some hang on to "used-to-be"
Live their lives locking behind
All we have is here and now
All our lives, out there to find

The road is long
There are mountains in our way
But we climb steps every day

Love lift us up where we belong
Where the eagles cry, on a mountain high
Love lift us up where we belong
Far from the world we know
Up where the clear winds blow

Time goes by
No time to cry
Life's you and I, alive, baby

Love lift us up where we belong
Where the eagles cry, on a mountain high
Love lift us up where we belong
Far from the world we know
Up where the clear winds blow

Love lift us up where we belong
Where the eagles cry, on a mountain high
Love lift us up where we belong
Far from the world we know
Up where the clear winds blow

Song of the Day - Up Where We Belong - Joe Cocker

~ Reflections ~ 9th June 2011

Happiness Sought

Be alert
Be vigilant
Be thankful
And be wise
Happiness is there
Before your eyes

'Tis

The daintiest dance
The merest glimmer
A chink of light
A lustrous shimmer
A soulful note
The faintest cry
A song of love
A sweet reply
A tug on heartstrings
The utmost longing
A sigh of relief
A sense of belonging
The tiniest moment
The sweetest thought
A smile in your heart
Tis happiness caught!

Pauline Oliver

Song of the Day - Heaven - Bryan Adams

~ Reflections ~ 8th June 2011

You broke my heart.
Tore me apart.
Crushed my soul.
Left me unwhole.
Left me bruised.
Mind so confused.
Torn in two.
Thighs black and blue.
Cross my heart and hope to die.
No one will believe your lie.
Silent by choice.
He stole my voice.
Don't shed a tear.
Don't show your fear.
You deserve this pain.
Tie up and restrain.
Humiliate.
Breeding hate.
No self esteem.
No hope or dream.
Product of abuse.
No other use.
No room to heal.
Too scared to reveal.
Hidden shame.
Taking the blame.
It was your fault.
Lock up the vault.
Don't share the truth.
You have no proof.
Do not dare speak.
You are too weak.
You'll never be strong.
You'll always be wrong.
Messages of hate.
Feel their weight.
No support, all alone.
Pain is only mine to own.
Hurt and abused.
Scared and confused.
Little girl inside.
Just wants to hide.
Begging for a mother.
Hiding from a brother.
No safe place to go.
But no one can know.
Endless games to play.
Little girl can't stay.
Big brother shows hate.
Each day she will wait.
- Kirsten.

Song of the Day - Mad World - Gary Jules

~ Reflections ~ 7th June 2011

Newborn child.
Meek and mild.
Learn to walk.
Do not talk.
Was barely two.
I hate you.
Was only three.
Don't touch me.
Just turned four.
Please no more.
Five and at school.
You were so cruel.
Six years old.
Do as your told.
Seven years.
Cry no tears.
Was only eight.
Nothing but rape.
Nine years.
Hide your fears.
Tied up at ten.
No hope left then.
Eleven and afraid.
The future made.
Twelve was pain.
Cannot explain.
Thirteen I tried.
You said I lied.
Fourteen years old.
Do as I'm told.
Fifteen and silent.
Again he was violent.
Raped each day.
Still have to pay.
Sixteen with fury.
Judge and jury.
Tell the police.
He is released.
Granted bail.
Avoids jail.
Retract the truth.
He killed the proof.
Seventeen.
What could have been.
Wishing to die.
To scared to cry.
Keep on the light.
Don't sleep at night.
Two metres away.
Like lion's prey.
Turn my back.
And he'll attack.
One step wrong.
and I'll be gone.


Song of the Day - Letter To John - Ani De Franco

~ Reflections ~ 6th June 2011

Conversations.
Hesitations.
Invitations.
Neglectful of needs.
her heart bleeds.
A time and place.
Suffocating in space.
Growing up small.
Shrinking down tall.
Repetition.
Ammunition.
Holding onto death.
But clinging to breath.
Decisions.
Revisions.
Choices.
Voices.
Fall from grace.
leave no trace.
Mothered.
Smothered.
Freeze frame.
Stop the game.
Sentimental.
Temperamental.
Enveloped by black.
Won't take me back.
Silent screams.
Violent dreams.
Obsessive compulsive.
Destructive, repulsive.
Red rover.
Cross over.
Lullabies.
Goodbyes.
- Kirsten.


Song of the Day - China - Sparkadia

~ Reflections ~ 5th June 2011

Interfering.
Disappearing.
Commandeering.
Within seconds I'm back
Hands tied.
You lied.
Childlike naivety. Adult world.
Adult maneuvers. Child's Body.
Splitting pain.
Hear the rain.
Expressionless.
Nothingness.
Feel the pressure.
Hear him measure.
Searing pain.
Wax and wane.
Teatowels tied.
Wish I died.
See him smile.
Run a mile.
Humiliation.
Retaliation.
Concentration.
Close your eyes.
Hear no cries.
Feel nothing.
Say nothing.
Do nothing.
- Kirsten.

Song of the Day - Silent All These Years - Tori Amos

~ Reflections ~ 4th June 2011

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Song of the Day - Anyway - Martina McBride

~ Reflections ~ 3rd June 2011

Serenity

As I look
Beyond the ripples of my reflections
To examine my inner self;
The ripples begin to fade . . .
As the reflection lays beside me
Grasping my hand,
The inner warmth shields me
And the vision of my reflection appears
I see you. My Friend.

- Dena Martin

Song of the Day - You've Got A Friend - James Taylor and Carole King

~ Reflections ~ 2nd June 2011

No words.

Song of the Day - I Will Remember You - Sarah McLachlan

~ Reflections ~ 1st June 2011

Your Beauty

I see the beauty you can't see

You're unaware of what it does for me

It's the light shining in your eyes

Lifting me up to brighter skies

Still you walk around

And you hang your head

Sometimes wishing

You were dead

But if you could see

What I see in you

There'd be nothing, love

That you could not do.

By Marj McCabe (2005)

Song of the Day - Beautiful - Bethany Dillon